After keeping what appears like the largest secret, I’m excited to share that I’m 21 weeks pregnant! My husband Max, our toddler Ella and I are SO stoked so as to add one other little dude to our crew.

The most effective things about this second pregnancy has been feeling more confident and ready for all of the wild changes my body goes through — just like the intensity of that first trimester fatigue and the round the clock bathroom breaks.

After all, I do know that not every pregnancy is identical, so I wasn’t caught off guard once I began experiencing symptoms that hadn’t popped up during my first pregnancy. For instance, a few weeks into my first trimester, I could smell the whole lot; and around week eight, I began waking up every morning craving nectarines and watermelon doused in Tajín.

But one feeling I wasn’t prepared for? Not feeling super connected to my baby.

Possibly it’s because I actually have a toddler who I spend all of my free time with. Or perhaps it’s because I’m not pregnant during a worldwide pandemic, once I had time to take a seat at home and think in regards to the tiny person growing inside me. Or perhaps it’s just what happens when you’ve a second kid?

Whatever the explanation, all I do know is that, as an alternative of spending every waking moment checking my Flo app to check the infant’s development and reading birth stories online, I’ve been coasting through this pregnancy on autopilot. The wonder and great thing about all of it have been hitting me only in the course of the big moments, like once I first saw the gummy-bear-shaped form during our first ultrasound, and after we discovered the sex (it’s a boy!). But I’d like to experience those feelings more throughout this pregnancy — not only in the course of the milestones.

One thing that helps? The flashlight trick. The primary time I heard about this ritual was during my second trimester with Ella. I told my mom that would finally feel Ella’s gentle kicks and flutters, and my mom asked: “Did you do the flashlight trick?”

I had no idea what she was talking about, so she pulled me into the toilet with a flashlight in hand and turned off all of the lights. She turned the flashlight on, I rolled up my shirt, and she or he pressed the sunshine up against my round belly. Inside a number of seconds, I felt a *thud, thud, thud*, as Ella’s body pushed against the sunshine! It was sweet and surreal.

Now with baby #2, once I begin to feel distant from him, I stow myself in the toilet and shine a flashlight on my belly. And each time I feel him move, a wave of affection and gratitude rushes through me. In those couple of minutes alone together, I begin to dream in regards to the variety of person he’ll be, and feel a deep longing to feel his weight in my arms and smother his cheeks with kisses.

I do know I have to not be the one one who had a tough time connecting with my baby before meeting them in real life, so I used to be curious how other mothers bonded with with their babies in utero. I asked author Catherine Newman, who told me:

“I remember my pregnancies felt so *hypothetical.* Plus, I’d miscarried before, so I used to be all the time nervous about jinxing the whole lot. Still, I sang James Taylor songs to the infant (and felt a bit of silly), and my partner read Goodnight Moon to the infant (and felt a bit of silly) after which later? I noticed that you simply might as well lean all the way in which in because you possibly can’t preempt grief anyway — probably not — so why dampen your enjoyment?”

Illustrator Ruth Chan is pregnant at once, and she or he says introducing her favorite foods to her baby has been one method to get to know one another: “I eat something I like (cake, cold noodles, poutine), and ask our baby if she likes it, too. Sometimes she’ll kick/punch in response, and I wish to think she is doing a pleased dance.”

Aren’t each of the following tips sweet? Being pregnant is an incredibly intense and vulnerable experience, and all types of feelings and experiences are normal. You’re never alone.

What about you? Did you immediately bond along with your child when pregnant? If not, did any rituals assist you to feel closer? I’d love to listen to your thoughts.

P.S. Going from one children to 2 and the way did you were able to have a baby?

(Photo by Guille Faingold/Stocksy.)

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