To work in fashion journalism is to be ambushed with sensationalist subject lines like “REVEALED: Taylor Swift’s favourite perfume is NOT what you’d expect,” and “Boohoo fashion EXPERTS reveal essentially the most Instagrammable FESTIVALCORE trends.” But perhaps essentially the most disconcerting of those emails arrived this afternoon when animal rights organisation PETA sent out a press blast detailing its founder’s last will and testament. “PETA President Bequeaths Skin to Hermès,” the topic line read, alongside a blood-curdling infographic outlining the several body parts that Ingrid Newkirk would donate to varied brands, individuals, and the house office once she dies. 

Here’s a non-exhaustive list of the beneficiaries: Hermès will receive a bag (or a belt) crafted out of Newkirk’s cured skin; Salt Bae will receive her intestines; The North Face will receive her foot; barbers Truefitt & Hill will receive a hairbrush fabricated from her own hair; King Felipe VI of Spain will receive an ear; and Crufts will receive fragments of her trachea. The entire thing has been billed as the ultimate effort in a lifelong fight against something called “speciesism”. Why be zoophobic when you may just request that your severed leg be displayed on the Grand National? Why support a human-supremacist system when you may make plans to your flesh to be fried “with onions” as a part of a celebratory barbecue? ​​

In accordance with Newkirk, the need ensures that her body “can be used to attract attention to useless animal suffering and exploitation”. It means the horrors of animal abuse – just like the UK’s decision to resume animal testing for cosmetics – can be writ onto her own flesh, savaged and grilled and sent off in vacuum-packed sandwich bags. It also signifies that PETA will proceed to be as disturbing as possible in its efforts to court public attention long after her demise. But this final decree isn’t just an try to gorebait people into eating Quorn, it’s also a poignant document of a loyal Formula 1 fan. Towards the top of the need, Newkirk reveals that she would love pieces of her heart to be buried beneath the Hockenheim and Silverstone racetracks – those petrol-spluttering stadiums of CO2 emissions and burnt rubber – as a love letter to Michael Schumacher and Lewis Hamilton.