Who would’ve thought Rihanna‘s British Vogue cover featuring her beautiful son and partner would launch a tirade of Twitter debates in regards to the hidden agenda to destroy Black love and Black families? Contrary to belief of the small percentage of ranters, Black love is without end evolving and expanding. The more significant issue appears to be surrounding the positioning of the couple, with Rihanna within the front and ASAP Rocky, captured holding their son, behind her. The imagery of a Black woman on the forefront seemingly contradicts the assumed makeup of what a Black family should seem like. Because to some, the image of Black love is heteronormative, featuring dominant masculinity coupled with the softness and submissiveness of a Black woman beside or behind a person. This image is fiercely protected and reified through religious teachings (i.e., the person is the top of the household), relationship goals featuring “Every Martin needs a Coretta” type slogans, and the never-ending podcasts that promote alpha male behavior, aka, toxic masculinity.

If at any point you were raised in a Black household or visited a Black church or salon, you most likely didn’t should look far to seek out artwork, figurines, or magazine covers that had no less than one portrayal of Black love consistent with a person within the front and his woman behind him, or in the event that they’re being spicy, next to him. These depictions have widely been accepted as a collective norm of the expectations of Black love. Nevertheless, through the years, the dynamics of it have expanded to incorporate every kind of relationship dynamics that don’t follow the normal portrayal of any such love.

At first glance, I took in the great thing about Rihanna’s cover and basked within the undeniable fact that, for once, ASAP’s position was within the foreground, which made sense as this feature was about Rihanna and her family. Taking it a step further, the way in which some could interpret this image is ASAP is in position as a supportive partner and father as an alternative of overshadowing her. My group chats exploded with a flurry of responses from millennial-aged Black women who appreciated seeing a Black man holding it down for his woman as she beamed radiantly while, on the time unknowingly, carrying her second child. All of us smiled via emojis and sent voice notes about how that is real relationship goals and the way RiRi is out here giving “strong enough to bear the kids, then get back to business” vibes.

Nevertheless, on the opposite end of the web, this image prompted a stream of feedback in regards to the emasculation of Black men in relationships, even going thus far as to query whether ASAP is a “simp” once videos of him proudly recording Rihanna during her Halftime performance at The Big Game appeared on our timelines. The righteousness during which such commentary was delivered makes me query why Black men who outwardly support their partners in a loving fashion find their masculinity questioned? When did men loving and supporting their women turn into “simp” behavior? Who decided that Black love can and may only fit one mold?

I’ve seen online commentary surrounding Black men not being emotionally available, who find it difficult to point out and express their emotions. I’ve seen it play out in issues that couples experience once they show as much as our therapy sessions. So why is there still pushback? Too often, couples I actually have worked with struggled to define roles of their relationship that corresponded with their values because they were attempting to fit the mold of traditional gender roles and stereotypes. And it sucks to witness how societal standards are deteriorating a pair’s ability to make your mind up how they need to live and love freely.

Rihanna’s British Vogue cover highlights the lived experience of some Black women who professionally outperform their partners. Their households don’t subscribe to typical gender roles, with the male partner being the only real provider and the feminine partner being the only real nurturer. The skewed mindset about what Black love is and appears like affects the perspectives of individuals in search of potential partners. With this clouded perspective, the dating criteria becomes more a few checklist that features what must be as an alternative of what could possibly be as people search to achieve this “ideal” of what Black love is.

To transition from the fixed and rigid perception of Black love, we must redefine what it can be fairly than what people say it must be. Rihanna’s cover shoot was about her and the love she is sharing together with her partner and kids. It was her time to talk in regards to the nuances and changes in her life. Let’s concentrate on the undeniable fact that she is partnered with someone who supports her and her endeavors and never who’s positioned where.

I hope couples can reach a degree where they do whatever is best for them. By doing so, they understand that that is the quintessential power of Black love. It’s having the liberty to honor their needs and prioritize one another over nonsensical standards.

Beverley Andre is a licensed marriage and family therapist. Follow her at beverlyandre.com.