“I’ve received lots of comments asking ‘why am I taking testosterone, although I’m non-binary – it’s only for men.’ That is just not true, it’s about feeling comfortable in your body.”- Gialu

My close friend, model and performer Reenie and I are catching up on the phone sooner or later. Bringing me up to this point on her life, she mentions that she’s begun to discover as gender-fluid (keeping she/her pronouns) and is microdosing testosterone. I really like this human, whatever form she takes. But I even have to confess that, at first, I had lots of questions. You normally hear about hormone substitute therapy in connection to people transitioning from one gender to the following. Reenie is the primary of my friends using it as a way to interrupt away from this binary – and she or he’s not the just one.

Testosterone substitute therapy was originally developed for cis men with low levels of testosterone experiencing symptoms corresponding to low sex drive, erectile dysfunction and depression. Even now, most resources are written with cis men in mind. Despite this, TRT can also be utilized by post-menopausal women, in addition to trans men as a part of their transition. The consequences of T are different for everybody and may include changes in facial structure, a deeper voice, increased body and facial hair, different weight distribution, quicker muscle gain and halted menstruation. For a lot of trans, non-binary and gender non-conforming people, the changes extend beyond the physical as well. Every body on T that I spoke to described the way it has improved their mental health, helping them find “peace” and “finally feel like themselves”.

Over the past few years, awareness around full binary transition has turn out to be more mainstream. What is far less talked about, is how TRT can serve people outside of the gender binary, a lot of whom are microdosing for a more gradual transformation. “There are infinite ways to be trans and non-binary,” says non-binary campaigner, DJ and drag king Tommy. “A default understanding is that you have got men and ladies and all of the stuff in between – however it’s actually about being BEYOND those things and a rejection of all of it.” Tommy has been taking T for nearly a yr now and sees it as a way to determine a latest relationship with their body. “I knew I wasn’t a trans man but I also wanted some more masculine elements to my appearance. I desired to see if T would help with the dysphoria I used to be feeling.”

This desire to exist beyond the traditional gender binary is something that German non-binary model and musician Gialu also pertains to. “I attempted so hard to suit into the gender binary and gender roles,” they are saying. “I had this long hair… and at one point I remember looking within the mirror and feeling like I used to be wearing a wig due to how much I used to be hyper-feminising myself so as to slot in.” After nine months of taking T, Gialu says they’re the happiest and most at peace they’ve ever been. They at the moment are considering reducing their dose to take care of their “own level of androgyny”.  

It was while working as a go-go dancer that Reenie began to query her gender. “Once I perform, it’s hyper, hyper-feminine. And I realised that since I used to be a youngster, I’ve been performing that femininity,” she says. “Once I was on stage, it began to feel like drag.” While she has decided to maintain she/her pronouns because they “express my femininity, and that’s still an enormous a part of me”, microdosing has allowed her to have “softer changes” as she starts to develop more masculine qualities to align with how she feels inside.

“Once you actually start understanding and navigating the gender soup, you realise none of this is sensible,” says non-binary dancer and model Danni Spooner. “A lot of this has been conditioned on us. So why can’t we play with it?” Danni has been microdosing T since last yr with the goal of looking “confusing and sort of in-between all of it.” For them, the experience of being non-binary is about letting go of society’s expectations and constructing themselves again – this time ranging from moments of joy. Not only does this disruption of gender norms feel liberating, but on a deep psychological level, T has modified their experience of the world, from “continually dissociating” and feeling like “I wasn’t here”, to finally “feeling like I’m actually alive”.  

Hearing statements like these it’s hard to grasp why so many should jump through hoops to access this medication, while others aren’t in a position to access it in any respect. “The rationale trans suicide rates are so high is because persons are being forced into boxes that they don’t slot in,” Tommy says. “It’s not about ‘Oh isn’t it fun that we get to decide on how we glance.’ There may be joy and play in it, but above all it’s about survival.” Despite living across Germany, the UK and France, everyone I spoke to found a serious lack of awareness, resources and support for trans and gender non-conforming people in search of HRT. The trail to accessing hormones may be rocky and stressful, and getting a prescription is commonly an extended and expensive process. Whilst Danni, Gialu and Tommy have managed to get prescriptions, many individuals should resort to self-medicating.

Internationally, LGBTQ+ support networks have evolved as a stop-gap for the shortfall of national healthcare systems. Whilst you possibly can order hormones online, many feel safer sourcing their hormones through these networks, from individuals with prescriptions who’ve greater than they need. Reenie is one in all those people who find themselves self-medicating, having struggled with the healthcare system’s limited understanding of gender identities. “Once I spoke to my doctors I felt like I needed to lie that I desired to transition into being a person, just in order that they might give me access to what I do know is correct for me,” she says. “[The medical field has] only just accepted the proven fact that trans men and trans women exist and wish help. Many healthcare professionals haven’t considered the proven fact that there are non-binary people, gender-fluid people and other people who also need to access gender-affirming health care.” 

French non-binary artist and sculptor L. Camus-Govoroff has been on a T prescription for 11 months but sees the community exchange of hormones as a critical act of resistance. “It’s really necessary to share our knowledge and our hormones with one another if we wish to interrupt free from a hegemonic medical system,” they are saying. Their argument aligns with a wider discussion around body autonomy – our right to decide on what we do with our bodies. For L., testosterone has helped them to take back control of their body and identity. The results have been life-changing, they are saying. By developing more masculine qualities, they’ve also managed to just accept the more fem parts of themself. “I believe now I’m truly able to loving someone because I’ve finally made peace with myself.”

The drawback of self-medicating, nonetheless, is that it’s not at all times secure. As Gialu says, “not everyone seems to be aware that you may overdose from testosterone. By not giving proper guidance, the State is definitely putting people in danger.” With the assistance of clinics corresponding to 56 Dean Street, those self-medicating in London can get their blood tested to envision their hormone levels are secure. But in lots of places, this service isn’t available, which might result in potentially dangerous unintended effects. “It’s super hard to get a prescription if you happen to’re trans, let alone if you happen to’re non-binary.” says Gialu. “So, I understand why people decide to source it illegally. I just hope they’re being secure.” But, it’s a risk persons are willing to take, since it could save their life.

Tommy says their one regret is just not starting the method sooner. “I believe if there had been more information available after I was younger it wouldn’t have taken so long for me to determine who I’m.” It’s clear that T is central to many individuals’s sense of self. And so, until systems improve, people will proceed to lean on their communities to source the hormones they should feel at peace. “In a system that repeatedly tells you you’re not legitimate, that this isn’t real, what else are you able to do?” Danni concludes, “You’re reclaiming your body. You’re saying that is something I would like and I want. So I’m going to do it irrespective of what.”

Testosterone is utilized in gender-affirming healthcare by those in search of to masculinise their physical appearance in step with the gender they discover with. While it’s secure and legal to access through prescriptions, delays to this process through long NHS waiting lists and up to date rollbacks on gender-affirming healthcare has forced those exploring their gender identity on this solution to turn to more illegitimate technique of procuring these treatments.

For a lot of, the implications of illegally sharing hormone substitute therapy throughout the community are preferable to the choice of buying unregulated treatments on the Web or the mental health implications of going without gender-affirming healthcare while waiting for the system to catch up. Please seek the advice of a medical skilled if you happen to are fascinated with any of the topics discussed in this text.

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